here, somewhere

I could somehow bear it, you know, 

until I swallowed your words and swift silences 

gripped my hands, wringing too hard —

guillotines oddly streaked with roseate radiance, 

bursting blooms suddenly insistent: 

leather leashes must be loosed

I could somehow endure harsh sounds of tearing, 

canyons ripping inside my heart, 

torrents forming niches in rocks too old to remember 

what drought had wrought, what night had learned 

when stars were born, then quietly, brilliantly died 

barren horizons — 

wingéd things rendered flightless,

chords torn cruelly from tender throats,

etched, twined under shadows of barbed wire fences

what I could never write before 

has spilled, stolen from dry eyes 

onto, into white embraces of paper,

origami's unfolding anguish

as heaviness swollen beneath my ribs, 

its heft too wise as I lingered, 

dreading uneasy meetings with mourning

old photographs finally found 

do not tempt or taunt with the same intensity 

or gilded grace you held so softly

and I am still — 

here, somewhere, 

cleft where you cannot be

my songs are numb, 

yet I remember heroic horses' hooves thundering, 

wild manes whipping, such fierce wind as we flew

tumbling in forever's fields